Are you out of sync in your marriage or with your current partner? The biggest mistakes that most couples make starts with getting out of sync with each other from overworking and the stresses from our hectic pace in life.The technology overload, traffic, kids, shopping, stress, overworking, cell phones, emails, texts, social media sites, bills…the list goes on. Is there tension so thick you can cut it with a knife?
You want harmony back in your relationship, but you’re not sure how to connect or bring up this touchy topic with your mate. If we all would be willing to GET REAL and not let things fester, we’d all be so much happier.
Many couples stop appreciating and nurturing each other because one or the other partner feels disconnected. The invisible walls of resentment and tension build up and partners can often stop communicating by sending invisible “negative vibes” that cut away at the fabric of their love over time. Your sex life goes down-hill and tensions rise. Many partners want to connect by having sex and often their partner needs to feel the connection before sex. Yikes, what a dilemma!
Once one or both partners energetically pull away, and one of you needs to speak up, do an internal investigation, and face your part in the situation. Wake up! This is the person you chose to marry, so make the effort to “Get Real” with your partner and take action before “the situation” gets worse. We all need to slow down and carve out sacred time to be present in the moment with ourselves and the person we vowed to love. When I get out of sync with my husband, I take action to smooth the tension and tame the tiger!
Here are a few of my “Getting Back in Sync” Secrets:
- Approach your partner lovingly to set up a private time to connect so they can be prepared. Approach them with a touch on the shoulders or a hug and look at them in the eyes. With a soft tone say, “Honey, I know we have been having some tension recently, and I want to make a special effort to discuss it with you when we both are relaxed and have time. I Love you and we are out of sync. I want to Take time for love and make our relationship a priority.” Give them a soft kiss and let them feel your sincerity. Remember…No Bitch tone or yelling…they both don’t work!
- The deeper conversations need to be set up at the appropriate time when you or your partner isn’t starving, focused on a work project, kids are on your heels or you’re super stressed. Once communicated, give your partner space and time to respond.
The timing is imperative…so be patient and set it up properly to get results.
- Both of you do some serious reflection before you meet and share your feelings honestly
You both must Get Real with your heart, stop to reflect, write out your feelings, and the issues you’re having with your partner. Then ask yourself:
** What do you think caused this situation?
** What is the intention or ultimate outcome that I want to experience in the near future with my partner? Can we both commit to this intention?
** Am I giving the love I wish to receive?
** Am I making love a priority in my life with my mate?
** What part did I play in creating this situation? What part did my partner play?
** What new commitments and rituals would I like to create to bring the connection and sparks back into our relationship? What actions or commitments would I like to see from my partner?
These questions will help you both get clear and help you to share what’s going on in your mind in a loving way.
Before your “Getting back in Sync” Session
- Get Relaxed and mentally prepared by both of you taking time to switch gears and unwind from your day. Try taking a hot bath, shower, workout, praying, or meditating before this special meeting. Getting that sparkle back takes effort so…Dress up. Create a relaxing environment with soft lighting and music. Be open and receptive and communicate from the heart.
- Set yourself up for a successful outcome by getting fueled first. Try eating a light snack or meal before your sacred talk so you have energy and aren’t running on empty. Nothing like a foggy brain or low blood sugar to ruin an evening.
- Be Honest, really listen, and use a soft tone. Listen to your partner all the way through before you respond (take notes if you need to). Watch your tone and your body language. The timber and tone of your voice and body signs set up the flow of communication right from the start. When your share, start out with “I’ve been feeling…. and take it from there. Let your partner finish before you respond and vice versa. If the conversation gets heated take a break. Be patient and If you need support contact the best relationship coach, therapist, minister, or mediator. Some issues need a third party until you can communicate effectively.
- Make some new agreements and vows to create a stronger connection
It’s important to make a plan and discuss some fun ways to reconnect. What new rituals can you put in place to get back in sync and to bring the spark back in your relationship? Make a list and both of you must make the commitment to fulfill your promises. If you are sincere and open, your partner will feel it, and it will deepen your connection.
- Start the reconnection with eye contact and holding each other. After a heart-opening session, snuggling or resting in each other’s arms can create a deeper connection after communicating from the heart. Take it slow, breathe, and hold the space for an opening to bond closer. Makeup sex is often amazing but take your time.
- Promise to communicate sooner so your partner knows you are out of sync. I use a red crystal heart as a symbol or an anchor that I layout on the kitchen table, his bedside table, or office so he knows I need to connect with him. Or I go into his office and rub his back lightly and say “we are out of sync..let’s play” wearing a flirty outfit. He gets the signal that I’m ready to connect! No whining or bitching necessary.
My husband rocks and I appreciate his romantic gestures. He sends me love texts, leaves little notes, buys me cards, flowers, or sends me songs when he feels out of sync or he senses my out of sync vibes. We try to keep it light and can get back into the flow with hugs and laughing about it! We often take 15-minute naps, walk with our dog Buddy after work, massages on weekends, biking to the beach, walks in nature, taking a shower or bath together, or rubbing each other’s head, back or feet while watching a show. We try to keep it spicy and go on creative dates and dress up! Most importantly we are appreciative and grateful for the sacred love and connection we have together.If you have chosen someone special it takes two to create new rituals to keep your love life in sync. Get back in the romance zone! Trust me, I have thousands of clients who wish they could meet someone special. Don’t take your love for granted…Take Time for Love NOW! Call me if you need help!
I hope these suggestions help you to reignite the sparks in your relationship. We all get out of sync every once in a while. Take action and have fun with it. Feel free to let me know if you benefited from these secrets and send comments.
Love is a gift to be cherished! Keeping it sacred and spicy takes effort and intention!
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