Feeling Guilty about a Casual Fling!
Dear Renee (Love Designer)
I am a 48-year-old single woman who hasn’t dated in over a year after losing my boyfriend in a car accident during Covid. I have been very lonely and isolated. I recently had a one-night wild fling with a man that was 33 years old that I met at a dog park, and I am feeling very guilty. I knew it would never turn out to be a long-term relationship, but I haven’t felt that type of chemistry in many years. My question is why do I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself even though I knew upfront what I was doing? Do you have any insights?
Dear Feeling Guilty.
Every person that is single goes through phases and it sounds to me that you have been depressed and hibernating since you lost your boyfriend. You were lonely and this man ignited a part of you that is normal after such a loss. I have interviewed hundreds of singles experiencing various circumstances and the “one night stand” guilt thing is often one of the experiences that often leave us feeling empty. You are a grown woman, and, at that moment, you made a choice knowing the outcome. As you stated you “knew upfront,” so it’s time to “GET OVER IT” and forge ahead knowing “flings are not your thing.”
You must have some old guilt from your past upbringing or a “good girl, bad girl” judgment. You can Learn great insights about your love imprints in my book GET REAL about LOVE~ The Secrets to Opening your Heart to Find True Love which is available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible.
I know that some singles use sex as a drug to ease the pain of loneliness. The fact that you feel guilty makes me believe you still have pain lodged in your heart about your loss, and this man was helping you numb your pain. Let go of the guilt and look at this as an opportunity to go deeper into your own heart to know you were at least capable of feeling passion again and chalk it up as a learning experience. You now know that a quick fling is not for you and yet the experience does show you that you are still alive and attractive.
This reminds me of the old 80’s movie “How Stella got her Groove Back” about a scorn divorced woman who goes on a vacation to a tropical island and meets a younger man who ignites her into the realization that she is a beautiful woman that deserves love and passion in her life. Maybe this “fling” could be viewed in that light instead of as a guilt trip! Life is too short!
Your fling experience can be used as a launching pad to remind YOU that you still have lots of love to give and receive. Now you can go forward, let it go, and feel grateful to be alive, attractive, and open to love. Guilt, doubt, and shame will only bring you down…let them all go and realize you learned more about yourself, and next time you’ll take your time and not jump into bed to numb your pain. Do some more healing with your heart, keep dating and expanding.
For some casual sex is like a sport, but for you, we have discovered it is not aligned with your soul’s desire. So be it… let it go and move forward on your quest to love! If you need more support contact me for a Private Love Designer session to get you a new winning profile update, and add new pictures to get back in the game with an action plan! Contact me at 310-827-1100 to get back in action or come to one of my seminars to brush up on your dating skills and create a new vision for love. I have helped thousands of people find love! Go to my website to see my upcoming Spring classes and Private coaching for busy singles who are serious about finding love!
If you have a dating dilemma or question please send me an email and I will do my best to answer your questions. I am here to help!