I have a Crush on a Married Man at Work

Dear Renee The Love Designer

I love your advice and I have a dilemma with a married man. I am a single woman in my late 20s and I have what I feel is an infatuation/crush on an older man at my work. I just started this new job and we flirt back and forth at times. I don’t know how to pursue this. There is an age difference he is in his early fifty’s but there is just something about him, and I don’t know what to do. I hear he is married but is having problems at the home. I think he is getting separated soon and I know he also has a daughter. I know I shouldn’t do anything and must stay away. but it’s hard to do with him sending mixed signals. I dream about him at times as well and he sends sexiual signals. Do you have any advice on what I can do about this situation? HELP!!
Crush on a Married Man

 Dear Crush on a Married Man

Crushes happen… but chasing after a married man (or woman) is a bad idea. It’s best not to pursue him.  After years of hearing cheating stories, the fantasy is most often better than the reality.  Whether he is having problems or soon to be leaving his wife or partner, this is a no-win situation for all involved. His flirting probably makes him feel great but do not take it too seriously. Stay away or you not only could jeopardize your job, but you will also waste the precious time that you could use to meet someone that is available. Women, who date men that are attached, get into a negative downward spiral that can destroy their lives. You’ll be pining, wondering, and never be sure since he is not separated. Get Smart girl! Think about his wife and family! Not only that you could jeopardize your job and your reputation!

I had many clients come to me after being dumped by a married man who was “leaving his wife soon” which took years to get over. They became the other woman while believing he would eventually leave. If he comes on to you just say “It’s been fun flirting… but I do not date men who are married.” If he says he is leaving his wife soon tell him to contact you when he is free. You can remain friends and he will respect you a lot more for taking a stand.  Honestly…ask yourself how could you ever trust a man who would be willing to cheat on his wife? I do know people who have met in that situation and most often it is very challenging. No matter how much he likes you, he has a divorce process to go through which includes child custody issues and pain. I know this from experiences in my own family. It is heart-wrenching!

I met my husband while he was legally separated and I followed my own advice and proceeded with caution. He had been separated for 5 months and had already been dating other women so I was not the first person after his marriage ended. I am glad I wasn’t the first girl since he was not ready to be committed and the other women got attached to him very quickly since he was a great man.  They obviously jumped in too fast. We took our relationship slow and we really got to know each other. I KNEW he might be hesitant to jump into a serious relationship so we became friends first. After a few months of being friends, he only wanted to see me and I was a bit scared. We agreed to date exclusively for 3 months and then evaluated how it was going.  This short-term agreement lifted all the pressure off of him and I did not push him into anything. It took over two years for his divorce to come through and although we were in love, it was not fun to go through. Separating furniture, selling his home and the energy of the resentment from his wife was terrible. I never pressured him but did have a timeline for myself and it all worked out. I hung in there and we are now celebrating 20 years of marriage. If you want to know how to navigate this short-term agreement process contact me for a session. It can save you time and heartache!

I would suggest keeping him as a “friend from a distance” and letting him take action and see what happens. Being the other woman is no fun for many of my clients who messed with married men! wasted years of their time and never ended up together. Yes, some stories have happiness You need to “Get Real” and get my book Get Real about Love _The Secrets to Opening your Heart & Finding True Love on Amazon!   to help you evaluate why you would want to involve yourself in this mess! Create a new vision board, get a new profile up online, and contact me for some love coaching to create an action plan for success. You deserve more than a fling! Join my seminars and events to help find a single man who could adore you so you can save yourself some heartaches!

Have a love or dating question or need some love advice?? Need a Private Consultation? Call 310-827-1100 or Email Renee to set up a Private Love Design Session to help you with all your dating and love challenges.  Still Single? Suddenly Single? Get on our info list and check out our events at ReneePiane.com and join in on all the fun. I’m here to support anyone going through challenges!

ReneePiane