An Old Flame wants to Reconnect!
I read your insightful columns and I wanted your advice. I was recently contacted by an old flame from my past that I had dated over 20 years ago. He found me over the internet, and I was surprised. I was with him for a year and a half, and we had a great connection. The reason we broke up was he had a temper and he took a swing at me, and I ran off. When he called recently, he said after all these years he had not been able to get me off his mind and wanted to see if I was still single (which I am).
He claims he has changed and wants to see if we can rekindle our relationship. He currently is living in Seattle and has full custody of an adorable 8-year-old son. He knows I love children and he wanted to fly me up to Seattle to see him and reconnect for a weekend. I have thought of him over the years myself and often wondered if he changed. My question is can someone who was temperamental in the past change that pattern? Should I go? I have some fears. What’s a girl to do? I
Should I connect with an old flame?
Dear Should I connect with an old flame,
Thanks for writing! Isn’t it amazing how old flames resurface? Well, my friend, you must be cautious with yourself since he was abusive and if you ever want to try to reconnect, I would ask him to come to visit you on your own turf. I am in the business to assist people in making positive changes in their lives. I know that people grow and learn from their mistakes. If this is someone that is still in your heart, it may be a good idea so you can finally get over the wondering and the “What if’s.” In my private coaching, I call these people “A passenger still remaining in your vehicle.”People can change and grow. I’m sure you have changed from the woman he knew 20+ years ago…right?
Here are a few suggestions to put you in the driver’s seat!
I would contact him and discuss your concerns openly in a loving tone.
Tell him you are willing to meet him and that you would prefer he come to your hometown and stay at a hotel with his son. (Offer him a list of hotels nearby)
Set up your date at a casual restaurant during the day to see him for the first time. Take your own car to meet him. Check out the vibes then take it from there.
If all goes well have a babysitter arranged for later in the evening to spend some quality time with him without his son. Go to places where you are safe and have people around until you can discern if you feel comfortable with him.
When you get there be light and friendly. Let him lead the conversation by asking what have you been up to all these years?
Be in the moment and explore him as he is now! Just one visit could transform old wounds and expand your heart.
If there is a connection take it slow and build a strong foundation of trust over time.
Listen to your gut instincts and if there is any sign of him shifting gears into anger you can safely retreat and move on.
Often when we reconnect to the past it is to heal or mend some unresolved issues. The best part is when you see him you can get over that phantom memory and see him for who he is Now.
People do grow and change…so why not give him a chance?
If you or anyone who is reading this needs some more guidance or healing processes to let go of a past relationship… contact me!
I’m sure he has learned from his past and getting together can not cause you any harm if you are smart about it. I know that revisiting a few old flames in my past has helped me grow and often I was surprised at how much I learned about myself when I heard the other person’s perspective. Life and experiences change us and hopefully for the good. Sometimes revisiting old flames will expand both of your hearts. Be safe and let me know how it goes!
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