How Do You Let t Someone Down Easy
I’m not interested in someone after a few dates date…now what? How do I let down someone know I’m not interested in going out with them again without hurting their feelings?
Dear Sensitive Dater,
Great question! I’m asked many questions about dating, sex, connecting and how to deal with many challenges that may arise as a single soul. This one is very common and happens every day. Even after people get matched, it’s still up in the air until after the first few dates to discover if there is a real connection. I’m glad you are sensitive to this situation since many of my coaching clients get shot down on first or second dates and often feel rejected or sad. Most singles must deal with this situation and in my classes’ we openly discuss how to handle it.
Many people have difficulty telling their dates they were not interested in experiencing another encounter. Others wonder why they never got a call back and OUCH… it hurts. This is always a challenge for both parties involved.
Receiving the news that you are not going to have another date isn’t pleasurable to hear and having to let a person know you’re not interested is also very uncomfortable. Can we explain chemistry? That magical connection? That feeling that makes us excited to see the person again? Do we owe someone we dated casually a long explanation? Not really, but I think it’s best to tell them the truth instead of leaving them hanging and wondering what went wrong. We all have those little girls and boys inside of us, and often if you felt a connection and it was not mutual, it triggers that sensitive parts of our hearts. That old rejection monster in our head starts firing off and can bring us down. I say we all need to be kind Get Real and be honest.
If you know that a person you went out with is more interested in you than you are, don’t tell them you “will be in touch soon” or that you “will be calling them to hang out.” When the date ends simply be honest and say, “I enjoyed meeting you and you are a wonderful person, yet I don’t think there is that “magical” connection or spark that I know we are both looking for. I wish you good luck on your search for love.” If you can’t seem to do it in person, at least let them know by phone.
Often, they may call you in a few days to thank you or invite you out again. It’s best to contact them sooner than later by leaving a message or calling them right back in the moment. Be honest to save a future heartbreak. Nothing is worse than calling someone and not hearing back from them. Texting is insensitive in my opinion, but it’s better than no communication at all.
If you are the person hearing or receiving the message (or not getting any response) let it go and move on. Dating is just an exploration and often people have high expectations of the connection, especially if they have chatted online for weeks. Many people get disappointed after meeting live. If more people would just gently tell the truth many singles wouldn’t get so jaded and sad. We are all adults here, so be a kind soul and communicate the truth in a loving way. Life is too short to spend time worrying about the why’s and over analyzing dates. Who knows that person could introduce you to someone in the future? As my mother used to say “Your reputation follows you your entire life! Always leave people with kind words and be remembered as a person with integrity.” Don’t take this experience personally and remember, “every rejection is God’s protection.” You want to keep the space open for someone who is just right for you. There are to many awesome people out there to let one person bring you down. NEXT!
Do you have a nice way to let someone down easy? Any stories to share? Have comments, a burning question or any dating or relationship challenges? Send in your reply or questions and let me know if you need some help with your heart by signing up for a free consultation at https://www.reneepiane.com/renee/contact.html to:Contact me at my office at 310 827-1100
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