Help! My girlfriend wants a long term commitment and after 2 years I’m still not sure I want a long term deal. I have been married before and don’t see myself doing that again anytime soon. Do you have any suggestions about how I can keep her happy and not commit forever? She told me I’m being selfish. I told her up front that I didn’t want marriage but she still keeps mentioning it and I don’t want to lose her. What now?
Not into Marriage Again…How can I keep my girlfriend Happy?
Dear Not into Marriage,
I’m so glad you wrote me for advice because this situation is serious and is common in the dating world. Many people that have been married often choose not to “go there” again. When a person has a vision of marriage that is negative, it can result in blocking a new perspective on an experience that can be amazing! We all have that choice in our life, and if you are sure that you don’t want marriage and she absolutely does …set her free. You say you want to make her happy and that she is pressuring you. Your girlfriend has a different vision for her life and out of respect for her happiness if you can’t ever see a long term deal , tell her now and let her move on. It will be painful but in the long run, it is the right thing to do because you do care for her well being. Some people just are not meant to be married and that is OK.
If you do think there is a chance you are just afraid, then look inside yourself and get real! Just because your first marriage wasn’t a success does not mean that marriage is terrible. You were with an incompatible partner and had to learn some life lessons together. Each relationship, whether you are married or not is a learning experience to reveal our strengths, deeper our understanding of out inner selves, our fears and issues that need to be addressed. I don’t care how evolved or educated you are, we all have issues and growing to do to keep expanding deeper. You migt considertakng my monthy online Men’s seminar so youcan talk to me live and get your issues answered live! I host these monthly for both men and women!
In my coaching practice, I meet people that yearn for love yet run from it at the same time. They have two conflicting beliefs that run them and both fight against the other thus never offering peace of mind or a resolution. They struggle with inner conflict and doubt love just as you are now. You’ll think, “I love her but I’m afraid to dive in to another bad experience, or, “She makes me happy now but will she turn into a nightmare later,” or, “I don’t believe in love lasting forever.” Those inner monsters that come out to haunt us are usually based on a few bad experiences and negative thoughts that get stuck in our minds and can ruin your future.
In my book for men, Love Mechanics, I have a section that helps to reveal the thoughts most people think by answering what I call “The Internal Diagnostic Tune-Up”, which is one of the most important chapters in my book and in my private sessions. Once you can see what your core beliefs are on marriage, love and relationships, you can then see if your thoughts are aligned with the vision you have for success in that area of your life. If your values and beliefs don’t match the vision, you will lose in the game most of the time!
Using the analogy of a sport…if you focus on being a terrible batter, you will be. When you see clearly that you have a good chance of hitting a ball and practicing, you will strive toward that achievement and succeed. You must go to bat in relationships with winning in mind or you will strike out. Love takes work , honesty and a desire to co-create a great relationship together. It’s about communicating what you want and who you are and listening. Many men don’t see that they need to get clear on what they want and listen to their partners needs so both parties get the results they desire. All Bullshitting aside…This is your life and you are in charge of it! Call me for a private session to help you overcome your blocks and give you love scripts to be honest with your girlfriend so you can move on either way.. Get in control of your vehicle my friend and be honest! She deserves that
Need advice? Call me for a life changing Coaching session with your dating or love dilemna in person or on Skype! I’ll help you get clear focused and expand the way you are looking at love to achieve your goals.
Here’s to getting real and living the life you love!
Your #1 Love Reinvention Specialist and Healer of the heart!
Email me :Renée@RenéePiane.com
Get on my email list: www.RenéePiane.com
Phone me for coaching: 310 827-1100
What a life changing experience….
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After being married for 15 years I found myself thrust into the adult dating world and was happily dating for a few months. I made some mistakes, but I thought I could handle them. But when I met someone I really liked, I knew I didn’t want to mess things up with this guy and I needed some guidance. I called Renée Piane a love and dating coach and she helped me see that loving myself was the first step to bring love into my life. She helped me handle my suprising emotions with this guy and calmed me during my little “freakouts”. She taught me so much about how men think and made me a more confident woman in dating and life. I am so excited, instead of fearful, to see what my future holds.I would definitely recommend Renée to anyone going through a divorce and re-entering the dating world. I would never have guessed how much I needed her help!