If you have a casual lover/sex partner can you attract a real relationship? This question was in my mail box this week in reply to my column about fearing love again!
Some people will fill the void with casual lovers and sex with no commitment.
Only you can GET REAL with yourself to ask these questions?
- Do you think you can be open to true love if you are having sex with someone else?
- Are men and women different when it comes to casual sex?
- Are we all just filling a void by sleeping with people that we aren’t in love with
- Should we all let ourselves be loved in the moment and not think about tomorrow?
- Can people build stop the expectations that often happen when they are having sex?
- What does having sex mean to you?
To some people it means we are committing to be exclusive, to others it means we are having a fun romp in the sack! I see many singles get frustrated after having sex with a new partner and wondering “What Happened? Where are they now?” Often time casual sex is just that…casual. It was in the moment, fun exciting, performed under the influence of a martini and some great music, or just to numb the pain of loneliness. Is that wrong? Does it block the path of real love? In my book GET REAL about Love I talk all about how many people use casual sex to numb pain. You might want to pick it up to see if you are in a love loop! Available in book form and Kindle on Amazon and the audio book is narrated by Renée on Audible.com
I have no judgments about sex or the right and wrong “Rules” …I believe it’s about knowing what expectations you have attached to casual sex. Sharing intimacy offers a glimpse into the other person (Into –You –I-See). You see their fears come up along with expectations after being sexual. Many men in my seminars claim that women have a sudden expectation as to what the sex meant and suddenly they feel smothered and caught in something they can’t get out of. Then the men run away because the woman “expects” them to suddenly be committed! We see it on television and in romantic movies…suddenly everything just falls perfectly into place…and yes sometimes it does…often times not!
I always suggest asking your partner what sex means to them before you go all the way or before the intimacy process begins! Discover more about them by slowing down and let their true nature be revealed in time. Words mean nothing if the actions don’t follow. If you do have a casual lover …great…just make sure both parties involved know the truth and are on the same page. If you know that your lover wants more and you know it’s not in the picture for you long term, Get Real and TELL THE TRUTH! I do believe casual sex can block true love because the space is filled with a person that is wasting your energy and time!
We all only have so many hours in a day and special intimacy to share. It’s challenging to be multiple dating and be intimate with more than on person unless you are only wanting casual sex! Come on folks is that really true or are you filling up an empty hole in your heart?
I have consulted with hundreds of people that have wasted many good years chasing an unavailable person and missed the real deal because of this casual lover wasting their precious time! Let them go…if you‘re not it in for the long haul and let the person have their desires met. Life is moving so fast…why waste your time or theirs? Come learn all about this topic at my seminars!
Have a love or dating question? Need a Make Over or private coaching for a love challenge? Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at our fun events and Seminars and check out our products online. Call 310-827-1100 to make an appointment and get a Free 20-minute consultation and check out the site.
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