Going Home for the Holidays with no Mate!

Dear Renée,

I am going home for the holidays and my parents and family really get on my case about still being alone & single. What can I do to take away some of the stress of it all and express my feelings without hurting theirs? Home with no Mate

Dear Home with no Mate,

This is a very common challenge as a single soul. Let’s discuss how can you handle this stressful situation that could surface this year over the upcoming holidays.

Many singles get the third degree when coming home for the holidays empty handed…and I’m not talking about gifts… I mean no “Mr. Right” or a “New Girl in your Life”. The stress isn’t about not having that person per say, but having to explain your current dating challenges to Aunt Lilly, Grandma, Uncle Sam, siblings and your parents. That doesn’t leave out the nosey cousins who are married with 3 kids and wonder “What your waiting for?” I discuss these family stresses in my seminars and many singles ward off holiday visits to avoid these obstacles and the pressure. Why not just handle it in a new way this year instead of avoiding a family visit? Why let your family upset you with judgments when you set the boundaries for your own life. Where your personal love life is concerned, you need to take control and get over the guilt trips family can attempt to impose on you.

What can you say to your family when they ask personal questions and get them to leave you alone in the future and actually get support from them? You can discuss this with each person individually or gather a group and ask for their attention. I actually did this with my family a few years back and they “got the message” loud and clear and I never got hassled again. My family often mentions that I spoke from my heart that night and they never knew that their teasing hurt my feelings until I spoke up.

Either before dinner or during a family gathering; get the attention of the group by proposing a toast or a family blessing. Then tell them you have an announcement and wanted their undivided attention. Say something like this (or modify depending on your family dynamic) “Every one I have an announcement to make to all of you. I wanted to wish you all the best over these holidays and let you all know I’d appreciate some support regarding my current relationship status. I love you all very much and know you care about me. As you know, I don’t have a significant other in my life at this time and when I come to visit you all seem to keep bringing it up as if there is something wrong with me. I am happy and fulfilled in my life and I’d appreciate you all holding the vision for me or praying for me (if the family is into prayer) to connect with someone that will be perfect for me instead of focusing on that person not being in my life. I have faith that this is true and I’d appreciate you knowing that for me. Believe me, when I find a partner you will all be the first to know and someday I will walk into this house with him (her) and you’ll say “Wow this person was worth the wait”. Thanks for your love and support…Happy Holidays”.

If you are not looking for a partner you can state that intention also. There was a time I was quite happy casually dating and did not want a long term partner. When we clearly state our intentions and let people know it will assist us in manifesting those intentions faster. Having negative “vibes” from family members often keeps us from wanting to spend time with them until they become aware of the effect it has on us.

Sometimes your family members don’t realize that their questions, off handed comments and jokes about you not having a mate just adds to the stress and often for singles a sense of loneliness over the holidays…and who’s to say that being in a relationship is the factor that is supposed to make us “happy”. This scripted conversation has helped many singles decrease the stress and enjoy their holidays and get the family in total support about being “STILL SINGLE”! We all need to speak our mind and yet understand that our family wants only the best for us…and may not know that the unending questions are just adding to the stress. Speak up!!

If you need help with any dating concerns, have a dating challenge or a need a makeover give me a call at 310-8271-1100 for a coaching session.

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info. We have RAPID DATING and RAPID NETWORKING events and seminars all the time. Happy Holidays!