Dear Renée ~The Love Designer,
I need your advice! I have been going out with this woman I met on the internet for about 7 months. She is the most beautiful, sexy, smart and sweet woman in the world. However, a few weeks ago she abruptly broke up with me. She said she had to “officially end things” before she could be with me. The only way she could love me fully would be to not have any thoughts of another man in her head. The whole time, I kept pushing her and pushing her to come back to me, but she said that she felt that she didn’t love me anymore and that made me very upset. I said some things I really shouldn’t have said, and now she doesn’t even want to be friends because of it.
Is there anything I can do to fix this situation? I need help! I can’t lose her, she is everything to me. She is the love of my life and I won’t give up trying to be with her. Do you suggest I leave her alone and give her time to think or try to talk to her about everything? I have a broken heart, can I get her back?
Help! Thank you Mike
Dear Mike,
It sounds like she’s been clear with you about her feelings and your reaction only pushed her further away. You can’t force someone with a conflicted heart to love you! Love yourself and move on. When we are hurt, we often say things we regret later on! When someone has a “Passenger Remaining in their Vehicle,” there isn’t much you can do but honor her request and set her free to take care of herself. I know it hurts right now, but often these things can be a blessing in disguise. You need to let some time pass and perhaps writing her a letter about the harsh words you spewed could open up a conversation to help you heal but, even then, she may not come back. Yes, it is difficult and painful, but she won’t be able to love you or anyone if this man is still stuck in her heart! Your pushiness has to cease because it makes you appear desperate and needy.
Also, 7 months seems to be a long time for her to wait to tell you about the ex she still hasn’t gotten over! Are you sure she was committed to you? Or, were you hoping to make her shift gears after dating you for a while? Were you trying to rescue her? Examine this issue because many people date someone even when there might be signs that the person is not available! Use this as a lesson to check out the phase someone is in before you give your heart away! I’d suggest reading my new book, GET REAL about Love to help you be more clear with your vision and to learn about yourself by examining your heart. This way, you can move on to finding a partner on the same page as you in the future. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Breaking up can be tough but you must learn from it and keep your heart open. I’m here to help! Contact me for a love design coaching session or take a class to get you back in balance.
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