I’m in a Messy Affair. Help!

Dear Renee,

I’m in a messy relationship situation and I need your help. I have been married for over 20 years to my high school sweetheart.  We have two kids and we have been like buddies for the past few years. There isn’t that romance and spark we used to have.  I lost my job and found a job here in Southern California and I am away for weeks at a time.  I met a girl at a work meeting and a few months ago, who became a confidant about my situation.  Now we have gotten so close and I am torn about what to do since I have developed feelings for her.  My wife senses something and I have somewhat told her about my “new friend” (without some of the details) We are starting to have I guess what you would call “an affair” without having full blown sex.  Just affection and that passion that makes me feel a new again.  Now both women in my life want to know what I am up too and I am feeling torn. Is there something you can suggest that will unwind the cheating mess I am in?

Cheating Mess

Dear Cheating Mess,

Yes… this is a challenging situation for sure and could permanently damage your relationship. Honesty and communication are the best ways to handle this mess. Often these types of scenarios can make you “Get Real” and grow. Your wife deserves the truth, since I am sure she didn’t think you would slip and go off and have an affair. Many couples experience ebbs and flow in their relationships, and the everyday stresses override those stirrings of romance and passion…especially after 20+ years.  Kids, work, money and stress dilutes the strong flushes of romance we all yearn for. Marriage is not based on these romance and passionate feelings alone. Trust, values, family and good communication are they keys to long term lasting love.
When you pull away your mate feels the lack of energy and connection. Your focus is on something or someone else and they sense it.  “Get real” about the “without the full blown sex” comment. Let’s face that a little bit of sex… is SEX. Are you pulling a Bill Clinton? This “new friend” is more than a friend or you would not be writing to me. You are cheating behind your wife’s back.  Women know when there is something going on! If you want to save your marriage, it’s time to do some deep evaluation from the heart, create sacred space to talk about what’s really happening, and get some help before you get into a bigger mess. Just a few things to ponder.

• Slow down and connect to your higher self before you take a leap that will affect not only your life, but also your entire family.
• Take a deeper look at your values or lack of what ever created this situation. Have you been really present with your wife? What caused you to lose that spark?
•  It takes two people to keep this “magic” going and is this “friend” worth it?  Be honest with your friend, yourself and especially your wife that you have been tempted by another woman. She deserves that!
• Imagine your life without your family. Divorce, separating the kids and all the emotions that goes along with breaking up a family and your home. This is a lot to go through just for a fling. You can save you marriage before it’s too late.
• Neither your wife or your “friend” will never trust you if you continue this deception. The lies eventually surface and come back to bite you and destroy your marriage. Get Real or you won’t be able to live with yourself or you could end up alone.
• Do some inner reflection and call me for a personalized coaching session to get in touch with your heart! It takes two to re-kindle romance and trust. You can do it if you are committed to your marriage and learn how to discuss these sensitive topics or separate to take space. You need support to communicate effectively.
• You may want to contact a local marriage therapist to help you get clear before you make a move that could affect the rest of your life.
• No rushing into a new relationship without looking at the reality of your actions. If you jump into a new relationship too fast, then you’ll be writing to me about that “friend” in six months and wanting your wife back. Call me for a heart opening session to get clear.

Challenges in a relationship? Still Single? Suddenly Single? If you have a love or dating question or dilemma, please email me . Please go to my site at: ReneePiane.com and check out my services to help you Get Real about Love. The Call for info at 310 -827-1100! Need an Image update or a Love Nest Makeover call NOW! Check out my book- Get Real about LOVE~ The Secrets to Opening Your Heart & Finding True Love. The book and audio version is on Amazon or Audible.com

This deep inner reflection can help you win in the game of Love!