Dear Renee,

Help! I am currently living with a girl who I have much in common with, and since the day we moved in together we starting having hot sex. We were basically roommates, and she, I am sure, was dating other guys. As months passed, we continued our relationship but she began to travel almost three weeks of every month. I met her on one of her trips to another country where we both enjoy the same activities and lots of sex. When I showed up, she said that I was cramping her style, and the trip was for the girls but there was plenty of other men there. We continued to sleep together every night of the trip even though I kept a separate room.

I know this girl has feelings for me but at the end of the trip she was going off to another country and she started to cry and said that she did not want a commitment because it would weaken her. So, when I returned home I found another girl to share my time with. When she found out, she went absolutely nuts and kicked me out of the house. A day later, I was back in her bed again after many tears.

I know that she cares for me and I for her, but how should I handle the situation? How should I fill my time when she travels.? She may be out with other guys going to dinners, parties, and having sex. I am home working. I’m confused and heartbroken

Heartbroken and Confused

 

Dear Heartbroken and Confused,

This situation is a living nightmare. You both need to practice laser honesty and communicate now!  Every person has different rules and visions when it comes to dating, living together and sex. Having sex does not necessarily mean you are in a committed relationship and you said yourself, she was seeing other men. Have you discussed whether you are exclusive? She was the one that said she didn’t want a commitment. Be a big boy and ask for what you want. I must say having sex with her without knowing the deal and living together is just plain stupid. Haven’t you heard her loud and clear that she does not exclusivity?

There is a difference between a roommate and a girlfriend and apparently, you have not tuned in to the clear signals about where you are at in your current relationship.

You both need to be on the same page to make this rocky relationship work. You asked, how will you fill your time when she is gone? If you knew that you both wanted the same vision you wouldn’t have to ask? GET Real and talk about SEX since you’re in pain!

Ask yourself:

1. Do you really want to be exclusive with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you?.
2. Do you want a relationship with someone who is never there and sleeping around with other men and could be passing on STD’s?
3. Are you sleeping with other people just to numb your pain?
4. Can you really live together and be separated for long periods of time? This is not a stable relationship and it sounds like it’s driving you nuts.

You have 3 choices as far as am concerned.

1. Move on, break your addition and stop the insanity.
2. Tell her you are moving want and see where the chips may fall!
3. Stay together and date each other exclusively and get some clarity on your level of commitment.

I suggest we do a Love Design phone session so you can get clarity, strength and some “love scripts”, so you both can openly discuss your next steps. Without a clear plan, you will stay in what I call a “Love Loop” and drive yourself crazy. You need a defined direction or you should move out and get on with your life. She sounds like a W.O.T. (Waste of time.)
Reading my book GET REAL about Love-The Secrets to Opening Your Heart & Finding True Love will help you wake up and look at the part of you that keeps you stuck in this dead-end relationship! The book is available on Amazon, on Kindle or Audible.com in audio form. I know it will help you both get clear on your goals and be honest with each other. Get Clear and take a stand for your heart. Then you’ll know what to do and in the meantime get some support!

Have a love or dating question? Getting over a broken heart and need some advice? Email:Renee@ReneePiane.com. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to Reinvent your love life and find extraordinary love? Check out my books, classes and set up a  Love Tune up coaching session. Call: 310-827-1100 to RSVP I can help!
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