How Do You Let Someone Down Easy!
Dear Renee,
I’ve been casually dating a nice girl. We went on 3 dates and I know I’m not into her or interested in anything long-term. Now what? She keeps bringing up Valentine’s Day and wanted to make plans! How do I let her know that I’m not interested in going out with her again without hurting her feelings?
Sensitive Dater
Dear Sensitive Dater,
This is a great question and I’m asked many questions on how to deal with the many challenges that may arise as a single soul. This topic is very common and happens to daters every day. Even after people get matched, it’s still up in the air until you go out on the first few dates to discover if there is a real connection. I’m glad you are sensitive to this situation since many of my coaching clients get shot down on first or second dates, and often feel rejected or sad. Most singles deal with this situation a lot. In my Monthly CO-ED Love Support group, we openly discuss how to handle it with sensitivity.
How do you let someone down easy? Many people have difficulty telling their dates they were not interested in experiencing another encounter. Others wonder why they never got a callback and OUCH… it hurts. This is always a challenge for both parties involved.
Receiving the news that you are not going to have another date isn’t pleasurable to hear. The worst part is having to let a person know you’re not interested is also very uncomfortable. Can we explain chemistry? That magical connection? That feeling that makes us excited to see the person again? Do we owe someone we dated casually a long explanation? Not really, but I think it’s best to tell them the truth instead of leaving them hanging and wondering what went wrong. We all have those little girls and boys inside of us, and often if you felt a connection and it was not mutual, it triggers that sensitive part of our hearts. That old rejection monster in our head starts firing off and can bring us down. I say we all need to be kind Get Real and be honest.
If you know that a person you went out with is more interested in you than you are, don’t tell them you “will be in touch soon” or that you “will be calling them to hang out.” When the date ends simply be honest and say, “I enjoyed meeting you and you are a wonderful person, yet I don’t think there is that “magical” connection or spark that I know we are both looking for. I wish you good luck in your search for love.” If you can’t seem to do it in person, at least let them know by phone.
If you haven’t called them back after a date, they may call you in a few days to thank you or invite you out again. It’s best to contact them sooner than later by leaving a message or calling them right back in the moment. Be honest to save a future heartbreak. Nothing is worse than calling someone and not hearing back from them. Texting them is insensitive in my opinion, but it’s better than no communication at all. If you are the person receiving the message (or not getting any response) let it go and move on.
Dating is just an exploration, and often people have high expectations of the connection, especially if they have chatted with you online for weeks. Many people get disappointed after meeting live. If more people would just gently tell the truth many singles wouldn’t get so jaded and sad. So when they call again, Get Real! We are all adults here, so be a kind soul and communicate the truth in a loving way. Life is too short to spend time worrying about the why’s and over-analyzing dates. Who knows that person could introduce you to someone in the future? Check out monthly my Flirting with Life and Networking classes to learn the Art of Flirting and meet new people! bring a Friend for FREE
As my mother used to say “Your reputation follows you your entire life! Always leave people with kind words and be remembered as a person with integrity.” Don’t take this experience personally and remember, “every rejection is God’s protection.” You want to keep the space open for someone who is just right for you. There are too many awesome people out there to let one person bring you down. And I never enjoyed just being ignored after a great date!
I ran into some men I dated in the past, and a few men said that after two dates they surmised that I was in a different life phase. They could tell I wanted a committed relationship and at the time they were not ready to get serious. They stopped calling since they didn’t want to mislead me! I remember feeling better after hearing that. People often have unrealistic expectations after connecting with potential matches online, on phone calls, and emails. I tell my coaching clients that it’s always best to meet live before you claim “this person could be the one.” Honesty is the best policy and people do appreciate it!
Do you have a nice way to let someone down easy? Any stories to share? Have comments, a burning question, or any dating or relationship challenges? Send in your reply or questions and let me know if you need some help with your heart by signing up for a Free Love Designer consultation at https://www.reneepiane.com/renee/contact.html Or Contact me at my office
at 310 827-1100
You might consider reading my book GET REAL about LOVE~ The Secrets to Opening your Heart & Finding True Love is online in Kindle, Audible, and book form. A great gift for yourself or a friend this Valentine’s Day. It will help you to examine if your heart is open to love, and offers the step-by-step process to find True Love. It’s important to evaluate your patterns and learn lessons to create extraordinary love.
Keep the faith…there are many great singles out there!
Contact me for a FREE Evaluation at Reneepiane.com/contact
