As a singles dating coach, I am asked many questions about dating, sex, Internet connecting and how to prepare for the dating challenges that may arise. Many of my clients get shot down on first dates and some have had to tell dates they were not interested in another date. This is always a challenge for both parties involved. Is there a way to let a person know you aren’t interested without a long drawn out explanation? One client actually probes his dates for the why’s and how come you don’t like me questions. Not a great idea unless you want to be hurt if you push too hard for an answer. I told him that the women he goes out on dates with don’t owe him a long explanation about why they aren’t interested in him. They just are not into him…Period. He was told by his former therapist to get feedback and instead of accepting “I just don’t feel the chemistry” or I think you’re nice but I just would like to be friends”, he pushes to know the exact reasons. This needy desperate behavior has caused him so much pain because he pushes so hard the women end up saying mean things to him that make him feel worse to get him to stop pushing.
Can we explain chemistry? That magic connection? That feeling that makes us excited to see the person again? Do we owe our one time dates a long explanation? NO! However, if you know that a person you go out with is more interested in you than you are in them, don’t tell them you “will be in touch soon” or that you “will be calling to hang out”, to not hurt their feelings. When the date ends simply say, “I enjoyed meeting you and I think you are very nice yet I don’t think there is a connection here and I didn’t want to lead you on. ” Or “Thanks so much for our time together, take care.” If they ask if you are going to get together again you can simply say “I don’t think we have the magic I need to feel to pursue this friendship any further. I think you are very nice and I wish you luck on your search for love.” If a person calls you to chat and asks you out again tell them kindly over the phone the same thing. …be honest and save a future heartbreak and those nagging phone calls. It’s better to tell them instead of leaving them hanging…..We hate it when that happens! Right!? Treat people with respect and be cool enough to at least leave a message.
Comments? Any additional things you say when you’re in this situation? love to hear from you!
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