- Dear Renée:
Ok here’s the deal. I have a problem. I started talking to this girl that I deal with at work. She works for an office in LA that I have correspondence with from here in NY. At first things were friendly, and then she had mentioned that she would be visiting NY in the spring. I then offered to show her and her (female) friend around. From there things started getting a little friendlier, we would speak via email, and then it moved to exchanging cell phone numbers.
It got to a point where she and I would talk on the phone at least 3-to 4 times every day. It had been established that we liked each other, from the exchange of pictures and that there might be a possibility of us hooking up when she got here. We both knew realistically that a relationship could not be possible because of the distance, but, nevertheless, we still shared that we had feelings for each other, come to think of it more on my part than hers. Maybe that was the problem. She would call me even in the mornings on her way to work, and she would tell me how much she loved talking to me. Then after 2 1/2 months of that, in early December she calls me up telling me that we shouldn’t talk so much on the phone anymore, as she put it, “to be more realistic about it all. It felt like a slap in the face, I was very hurt, and in some ways, I still am.
I just can’t understand how this girl could go from not getting enough of me, to then only calling me for work-related purposes or barely sounding interested when I call her. What did I do? I mean she’s still coming in May, but things don’t feel the same. It’s like she punched me in the groin and shows no remorse over it. Then it doesn’t help that she and her friend like to go out on weekends, get drunk and hook up with guys from time to time. My friends are telling me that she probably met someone else and doesn’t want to tell me and that I should just forget about her. Could they be right?
Help me out Renée.
I can understand why you feel hurt because of all the attention you gave this girl… unfortunately the distance deal was the challenge from the start. She doesn’t sound worthy of all this energy. In my books Love Mechanics and Get Real about Love books and Online classes we discuss these phases and do a reality check to see if you are wasting time! Hey, it’s fun to fantasize about a possible long distance love connection, but the harsh reality exists, it gets lonely! Also, it was a phone relationship my friend so what did you expect? We all want attention and someone to be close with and not just over the phone. She probably met someone else and was afraid to let you know. She was getting attention from you by phone and email, but let’s face it, a body within loving distance, is definitely more appealing than the constant call of wishing you were together. I personally had this same situation a few years back and my friend and I both wanted to be together. The distance was so frustrating along with the expensive phone bills! We ended up ending the fantasy and remained being friends. We did this with honest communication and a few sad conversations about the REALITY of it all! We both moved on with people in our own area.
Some long-distance relationships can work. I ended up marrying a man from the east coast (over 3000 miles away) My LOVE Story is on my site and the reason it worked was that we both took our time and communicated each step of the way. Long-distance relationships can be challenging and you learn what works!!
Did you express your feelings and ask her what was up? After 21/2 months, she should have at least let you in on what was really going on! She may have felt as if you were having high expectations or being needy and didn’t know how to let you down easy. The other possibility is she was just having fun and wasn’t as serious as you were! Both sexes need to be more honest in their communications even though there was no commitment. All parties concerned must tell the truth in a kind way and move on. Next time, date a few other women so you can have some options. If the relationship was meant to be, nothing could have kept you apart. Be grateful to be able to feel the way you did and know that love is coming to you! Don’t hang on to this for too long, the negative vibes will block the space for an available woman! I have monthly Secrets into the Minds of Women Seminars on my site so come learn my secrets and get better results! Call me for some private coaching to get you back on track! These sessions are life changing!
Have a love or dating question? Need a Make Over or private coaching for a love challenge? Contact me. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating and Networking events, held in cities all over Southern California and get coaching, join our seminars and check out our products online . Call 310-827-1100 to make an appointment and get a Free 20-minute consultation and check out our new wwwRenéepiane.com and get on our email lists.
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