Dear Renee (Love Designer),
I’m involved in a serious relationship with a wonderful woman. I believe she’s interested in marriage; however, she has, in her past, made some decisions I’m not too happy about.
I must say though, while she has been with me, she has refrained from engaging in those activities. Unfortunately, some of her friends still make some of these very bad choices, and so naturally, I am worried about the idea of marrying her. She is very honest with me and says that if I were not around, she would probably still “occasionally” make some of those choices herself.
She is very fond of the idea of marriage, but her continued involvement with people who, quite frankly, scare me and are dangerous, makes me hesitate. Is my reaction wrong, or am I supposed to listen to my instincts? Am I crazy to even worry about this stuff?
You are not crazy to worry about this behavior. You should definitely pause and listen to your instincts and discover more about her love imprints from her family and her past. This decision is a life-changing one — marriage is serious business and the choice of a life partner is one of the most important decisions of your life. I’m not sure how long you have been with this “wonderful woman,” but I believe that a person’s friends are a direct reflection of their lifestyle.
If they are “scary” or “dangerous” now, these are the people you will be sharing your life with in the future. Would you want these unbalanced people influencing your children? Meeting your friends and family? Does your girlfriend hang out with them often? Do you want these people in your life? Does she spend most of her spare time with them? Do you feel she is really being honest with you? I have a chapter in my book about the sure signs is she (or he) is a bad choice.
A relationship must have open communication, direct honesty and respect that lasts. You must share all of your concerns with her and discuss the truth about these “activities” that she might “occasionally” want to participate in. Is this acceptable? What makes you think she won’t go back to these “activities” in the future?
The fact that you didn’t mention what these “activities” are leads me to believe you are extremely embarrassed by them. People can and do change, and you have every right to discuss these topics openly considering you want this woman to be your life partner. You both should read my book GET Real about LOVE ~The Secrets to Opening your Heart & Finding True Love. (The book is available here on my site signed and comes with vows and a heart or on Amazon and Audible if you like listening). This book offers the steps and inner reflection that you both need to whelp you examine your choices and dig deep into lifestyle and ultimate vision you want to create together. This heart opening journey will help you both discover where her bad behavior came from and give you some techniques to have an extraordinary relationship! It not just about her but looking at your love patterns and role models for love as well.
Is she a person you will be proud to be with? Just be honest with your gut instincts; you’re feeling these things for a reason. Take your time and let her reactions and actions shed some light on your decision. This is one of the most important decisions you will ever make — be wise about it and don’t let your sexual attraction for her rule your decision. Get Real, if your gut made you write me, contact me for a personal coaching session to go deeper. I can help!
If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma, please contact me at my Email . I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or a personal dating consulting call NOW for a Free 20 minute consultation at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!
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