Break Up Advice you Should Never give a Friend
After being in the dating industry for many years, I have heard some bad break up advice that is just insane. If you are the go-to person for most of your friends when a relationship goes south, you might want to beware of the breakup advice you share!
If a good friend gets dumped and he or she calls you late at night in shock asking for your advice, be aware that you could ruin a good friendship if this person heeds your advice and it doesn’t help the situation. It takes two to tango, and as their friend, you may only be looking at the situation from his/her point of view.
I don’t know about you, but I have gotten some not so hot advice over the years. I thought it was vital to share some bad break up advice you should never give a good friend.
Bad break up advice #1
You could be just friends and eventually win him/her back with hot sex.
Some men and women think the person they were dating will eventually come back if they go seduce him/her one last time or show up to flirt after they dumped you. You hope that they might miss you and realize what they have lost!
My advice: Don’t be a fool or lower yourself to be his/her friend (or friends with benefits) when you’ve been told you that he/she needs space right now! Don’t drop your drawers or panties! They have spoken their truth and are now free to explore other people. Will you really be able to hang out without expectations and eventually lose your self-confidence knowing they didn’t commit to you? You’ll be pining, wondering, insecure and tossing and turning over a person who doesn’t want you…No way! You deserve so much more than some casual booty call. Get real with your feelings and be truthful to your own soul. Here’s one of my favorite quotes from my book “Get Real about LOVE~ The Secrets to Opening your Heart & Finding True Love”
“If it’s the right love at the wrong time, it will come back to you in the perfect time or the right person will show up in the meantime. Believe in yourself and in LOVE!”
Bad break up advice # 2
Spying on your X to get some facts! Get hold of their phone bills or hacking into private emails to checking up on them
Some people just can’t stop nagging and start obsessing if they are jealous or suspicious! They can’t rest until they hunt down the facts. They often get access to phone #’s on their EX’s cell or copied phone bills to see who they have called or texted in the last month! Then they become stalkers and call the #’s on the bill! Other people hack into private emails to find out their social status and to see if they have been dating other people. This spying is illegal and can cause nightmares on both sides.
My advice: First of all, grow up and realize this is a violation of some one’s privacy. If you are that suspicious then this person was not committed to you or you assumed they were your “significant other” more than likely after a hot sex session. a Think back and be honest if you ever really discussed commitment or did you assume you were in a committed relationship? Your insecurity, assumptions or expectations could have been what drove them away. Get real by looking at what really happened and mind your own business.
Friendship and people concept. One young girl comforting her friend.
Bad break up advice # 3
Calling them now to understand the “Whys” of the breakup to process your sadness and pain! Many people will advise tell you to call your EX to get closure and let loose with all your heart-breaking feelings to relieve your pain!
My advice: Wait and get a grip on yourself before you call ranting and raving! These volatile phone calls can make things worse and will not provide the heart healing closure that you are seeking. If he/she dumped you for whatever reason, they are not suddenly going to befriend you and be able to console your heart. He/she has moved on and you may not get anything but a bunch of BS that could set you in a downward spiral. If he/she is insensitive you could make your pain even worse. You probably had a few warning signs if you look deep down that something was up! Look at the whole picture, get support and you look at your patterns before you make a fool of yourself!
Bad break up advice #4
Posting your sad feelings and break up news on Social Media.
People post all sorts of personal info that frankly should be kept personal. Do you really want the world to know you got dumped or cheated on?
My advice: Yes, you can change your relationship status on social media, but keep your sad break-up details to yourself unless you’re ready to get tons of responses that you may not want to hear or respond to at this time. It’s exhausting when you get the “What happened?” questions or other negative responses that you may not want public. People from your professional circles and around the world will be writing to you. Call a friend instead, call me for some support or a Heart Healing Session!
Bad break up advice #5
Going out to “party” right away to numb the pain with a group of friends who want to cheer you up. Ask yourself, will going out to get drunk really help your situation? If you go out when your heart is in writhing pain, it can be challenging to hearing friends talking about the new people in their lives and seeing texts or photos of their recent dates. It triggers your sadness to listen to their success stories or other horror breakup stories. They may buy you drinks to numb the pain which often makes you feel even worse after a drinking binge.
My advice: Heartbreaks have a way of making you feel like you’re alone in the world as you heal. Give yourself some time to heal before numbing your pain with booze or drugs. You might end drunk dialing your EX when you are wasted to chat or end up in bed with this person thinking sex will make the pain go away!
You need some time to regroup with a few empathetic sensitive friends who want to support you. Being around happy people can often amplify that feeling of sadness at first. Hang out with people who can help you get through the first weeks of pain. Get out of the house, get a massage, go hiking, go walk in the woods or by water, watch a funny movie, visit a church and pray, take a Chi Gong class, go to a Korean day spa, eat some of your favorite foods, join a support group and read motivational materials to grow. My 5 week Class Get Ready for Love would be perfect for you to learn how men think and how to rebuild your confidence. This is an experience that you can learn from if you are honest with yourself.
Bad break up advice #6
Getting back in the game fast and go out to see who’s out there to date! So many people break up one day and are out and about numbing their pain or going out partying to get some attention the next day. Some will get back into online dating within a few days to build their confidence. Often this fast-track dating game is to spite your ex since you believe if they see you online they will get jealous and come back!
My advice: Slow down! No matter who you may meet in the first phase of a bad break up, often your heart is not ready to open up since you need some time to heal. Regroup and relax since there are plenty of great men and women out there when you are ready! Get some support, do some inner reflection and be true to your own heart. You might consider picking up my book on Amazon in Kindle, audible or book from, Get Real about LOVE~ The Secrets to Opening your Heart & Finding True Love” and you’ll receive the step by step process to get your power back and learn from this relationship. If you live in Los Angeles call me, come to an event and I’ll meet you to sign it and give you a heart and special vows that go with the book.
As I always say…“Look at this rejection as God’s protection” At his point, you must get back into the driver’s seat, regain your power, eventually date other people and let this person go to do their own healing. You are a gift to someone special, so cherish yourself first and the rest will come! In the future you will look back on this to see that is was a blessing in disguise, I promise.
Do you know someone going through a breakup or has given up on love? Pass on this article or have them contact me on my site for a FREE 20-minute consultation or by calling me at 310 827-1100 Need help or have a burning question you want to be answered in an upcoming column? Contact Me.
“Keep your HEART ON! Love is all around you and with an open heart anything is possible.”
