I really like your direct and sound advice in these columns. I need your guidance on a touchy topic. My ex and I broke up about a month ago and I found out that our neighbor introduced him to someone else that he is now involved with. My rule is that I don’t want to get fixed up with anyone until they’re ‘over the relationship’ for at least six months or longer. I don’t want to be the rebound person, nor deal with the unresolved issues from the prior relationship. Am I a dinosaur, old-fashioned, or what? Does the amount of time really matter? How soon do you date or introduce your friend(s) to a person who is fresh out of a serious relationship?
People that have just broken up are still in pain even if they don’t want to admit it. Whether you are the person leaving or being left, there is a disconnecting process. If you have a friend that is newly single, I don’t see anything wrong with introducing them after a month, because it can help them re-enter the dating game and rebuild their confidence. People going through a recent break-up are the people I coach the most. As part of the healing process, I would suggest building a friend support network, so you have others to share experiences with. You need to” get real” if you’re over 40 years old since more than half of the people in the dating pool are divorced.
Some people that just break free want to immediately start dating. Often what happens to their new partner, is they end up getting the person through the tough hump and end up being a casualty or the “rebound person.” Other times it can open a door to a new romance.
You aren’t “old-fashioned,” just SMART! My suggestion is simple… Go slow to check out terrain but don’t hide in a cave. I recommend waiting to get involved with a newly broken-up person until they (and you) understand their heart’s frame of reference. Many people go through break-ups and rebound because they can’t be alone, while others are ripe for dating again. It takes time to see the real story, so don’t drop your panties or get deeply involved too soon!
Many people I coach have been single for a while, but still have skeletons in their closets or what I call a “passenger still remaining in their vehicle.” In my coaching sessions, I meet hundreds of singles in these situations and each individual has unique circumstances. If you see a pattern it’s time for a love tune-up! You could waste years of your life getting over someone or being a rescue person! This is my specialty since I was “a fixer” myself. This was a learned behavior from my love lineage. What about you do you have a pattern?
We all need to be honest and to listen carefully to the people you date to discover the phases of life they’re in or you could cause them or yourself more pain. In my book “Get Real about LOVE ~The Secrets to Opening your Heart & Finding True LOVE,” I uncover these phases, so you can discover when someone is still healing from a broken relationship or ready to rock-n-roll. Unfortunately, there is not just a pat formula or exact time to be single for everyone.
If you do choose to get involved with a person fresh out of a marriage, long term relationship or engagement, go slow and don’t get into the rescue mode…you may be jumping into something that could bite you in the butt. I took my own advice when I met my husband Joe and we took it slow since he was going through a challenging divorce. It wasn’t easy but it all worked out! Read my true love story online at https://reneepiane.com/renees-love-story/.
There are those exceptions…sometimes love is right in front of you, and you may have been with a person that wasn’t right for you and blocked your own path to love. Many people hang in there for too long and waste time! Examine your reality…life is too short. There is no RULE for how long it should be to date or introduce friends to someone fresh out of a relationship….it is individual for each person and the time frame all depends on their situation! We all need to GET REAL about our situation, communicate our truth, and be big boys and girls.
Want to reinvent your love patterns and open your heart? Call me for a heart healing session which includes a copy of my book. Stop analyzing life so much and go experience it! There is love all around you and the rules stop people from living fully. Come get inspired at my fun events and support groups or bring a friend who may be going through a breakup or divorce.
I’d suggest picking up my book on amazon “Get Real about LOVE”- The Secrets to Opening Your Heart ♥ & Finding True LOVE. Have any comments, a burning question, or any dating or relationship challenges? Send in your reply or questions to:ReneePiane.com/contact or Call me at my office at 310 827-1100
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