Should Women give men feedback after a date?
I felt compelled to comment on one of your recent columns I read online about asking for feedback after being shot down. I would agree with you that when the dumpee pushes the dumper for specifics regarding being dumped the results can get ugly. And true, the dumper, especially the female dumper would rather get by with the generic “Thanks for a wonderful time but, …”rather than review her laundry list of why this particular guy makes her skin crawl. Still I would opt for the truth, and if pushing so hard causes the woman to say mean things, well as long as those mean things are true. I think can put up with temporary pain of discovering for instance that I don’t make enough money, or my male pattern baldness is a real turn off, or I chew with my mouth open,….
A major, perennial problem for those of us guys struggling to connect with women is perception. How are we really perceived by the women we date?? How can we find out if no one tells us? If one keeps striking out there may be a pattern, some common thread, which will remain unknown to us unless it’s pointed out. Of course the truth can hurt… but I think ignorance of the truth is ultimately more painful and destructive in the long run. So, while the female dumpers don’t owe us dumpees any long explanation, I would
still press them for honest feedback because it might just help me the next time with the next woman.
P.S. One caveat to guys: Once you have received your (ouch!) honest feedback from the woman, don’t try arguing with her about it. My experience (painful but well earned) is that once a woman has decided to dump you—you will not be able to talk her out of it– no matter how stellar your debating skills. So…What else can a guy do to get feedback?
A former Dumpee
Dear former Dumpee
Let’s face it being dumped is not easy on the ego whether you are male or female. The worst part is the not knowing WHY? If you have been playing the internet dating game and get all worked up online to only get rejected after a first date… who would not wonder WHY? As I always say “stay unattached to results and to others opinions of you.” Do not get obsessed with why a woman is not into you…she just isn’t. If you keep pushing to find out, she could become defensive or often nasty. Let it go and move on to the next experience. Remember most women are taught that a man will know how to court date and impress us. I have not found many men who went on an investigative search to learn and master these skills. It comes with time, educating your self and experience. This is why I teach my seminars for men seperately from women…so you will open up!!!
As one of americas formost Dating Experts, I have been working with daters (over 500,00) of all ages in my work at Rapid Dating and believe me I have seen and heard it all. If you want to know what could be holding you back or blocking progress with the opposite sex, do not look out side for the approval but do the inner work to improve your self worth…Call me for a personal coaching session or read my Love Mechanics book for men soon to be downloadable to help guide you throught the process.
Were you pushy? Needy? Were you dressed for the occasion? Often you might not realize how you are coming across and need some guidance from someone you do not want to date. Call me for a live Skype coaching session for REAL feedback . That is why there are dating coaches like me to help. Our job is to point out patterns and help you get into a more positive mind set.
Rejection is one of men’s biggest challenges in business and in your personal life. You need to get into your power by knowing your strengths and weaknesses. You will have a competitive edge with all your relationships if you do some more investigating how women think and get in touch with who you really are. Your worth is not determined by a woman’s approval of you. Once you do get more “in touch” you will never wonder why again. You’ll be “in the driver’s seat” and if someone doesn’t want to date you …who cares?
I’d love to invite you to attend my seminars held every six weeks (for men and Women) Called SECRETS into the Minds of Women…and it is the Smart Man’s guide to dating, attracting and understanding Women( for men) and SECRETS INTO THE MINDS OF MEN (for women) based on my Love Mechanics book. Believe me, in my coaching practice I will give it to you straight if you give me permission to offer you suggestions. Feedback is great yet look at the source of who is giving it to you. Often they are insecure people who are not sensitive to others or have unrealistic expectations…come learn more and get that edge you need for your life in general. Then you can let go of caring what others think and be in your power! Come hook up with some new prospects for dating and business. We have Rapid Dating Cocktail mixers and now Rapid Networking for business to help you meet people for business friendship and love!
Do you have a love or dating question? Need a Make Over? Interested in Seminars? Email:Renée@LoveMechanics.com. Still Single? Suddenly Single? Want to liven up your love life? Join us at Rapid Dating Cocktail Mixers and Rapid Networking events, held in cities all over Southern California. Call 310-827-1100 to RSVP and check out our www.RenéePiane.com or www.RapidDating.com sites. Get on our mailing list for upcoming events and free POD CASTS.
Let me guide you to achieve your goals in LOVE!!!
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