Can a bad Girl Become Good?
Dear Renée (Love Coach)
Help! I’m involved in a serious relationship with a wonderful woman. I believe she’s interested in marriage; however, she has, in her past, made some decisions I’m not too happy about. she is a former “Bad Girl.”
I must say though, while she has been with me, she has refrained from engaging in those activities. Unfortunately, some of her friends still make some of these very bad choices, and so naturally, I am worried about the idea of marrying her. She is very honest with me and says that if I were not around, she would probably still “occasionally” make some of those choices herself.
She is very fond of the idea of marriage, but her continued involvement with people who, quite frankly, scare me and are dangerous, makes me hesitate. Is my reaction wrong, or am I supposed to listen to my instincts? Am I crazy to even worry about this stuff?
You are not crazy to worry about this stuff. You should definitely pause and listen to your instincts. As a love expert and Dating coach, I tell me clients that this type of decision is a life-changing one — marriage is serious business. I’m not sure how long you have been with this “wonderful woman,” but I believe that a person’s friends are a direct reflection of their lifestyle. We wonder what are these occasional activities she might be tempted to participate in? Just take it slow and observe!
If they are “scary” or “dangerous” now, these are the people you will be sharing your life with in the future. Would you want these scarey people influencing your children? Meeting your friends and family? Does your girlfriend hang out with them often? Do you want these people in your life? Does she spend most of her spare time with them? Do you feel she is really being honest with you or are you hoping deep down she will let them go?
A relationship must have open communication, direct honesty and respect that grows. You must share all of your concerns with her and discuss the truth about these “activities” that she might “occasionally” want to participate in. Is this acceptable? What makes you think she won’t go back to these “activities” in the future and how long have you known her?
The fact that you didn’t mention what the “activities” were leads me to believe you are extremely concerned or embarrassed by them. People can and do change, and you have every right to discuss these topics openly considering you want this woman to be your life partner, wife and mother of your children someday.
Is she a person you will be proud to be with? Just “get real”with your gut instincts; you’re feeling these things for a reason. Take your time and let her reactions and actions shed some light on your decision. This is one of the most important decisions you will ever make — be wise about it and don’t let your sexual attraction for her rule your decision. I see so many guys I coach jump into to fast when the warning signs were there from the start. Take your time and check in with your heart and your deeper knowing… not your sexual organs!!!
Americas # 1Love & Dating coach
President of Rapid Dating
Want to get a Love tune up and Learn the Secrets into the Minds of Women or Men? Join me monthly for my Teleseminars and Live Seminars for both sexes to “Get Real about Love.” If you have a burning love or dating question or dilemma please email me at Renée@lovemechanics.com. I will do my best to help! Need a Dating Makeover or Personal coaching? get a 10% discount by mentioning this column! Call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!
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