What do you say when a date asks, “Why haven’t you been married?”
Dear Renée (Love Designer)
I love your dating advice and have a dilemma! I’m a single woman who is only 41 years old. I’ve never been married and have lived happily single. I am attractive and have been in a few long-term relationships but haven’t taken the next step. My challenge is that when I go out with men (many of whom are divorced) they all seem to interrogate me about never being married. I let them know I’ve been happy on my own but they think something is wrong and start badgering me. This has happened quite frequently and now I am getting insecure. Any thoughts on how I can stop this. Between my family and the men I meet I am sick of it!
Wow, what a bummer having to feel so defensive when you’re out on dates! I understand the frustration because I’ve repeatedly experienced this since I was 25 years old. And ladies men experience the same frustration. So, guys, you can use these same replies on your dates.
First of all, you need to feel confident with yourself and not let men, women or your family affect you. Get into a confident state before going out. Then, think of these dates and family visits as practice to stay in your “positive language of love” and walk away from interrogators that badger you on a first date. They might just be protecting themselves and asking too much too soon to keep from getting hurt. Although people often ask about past relationships (which I don’t recommend on the first few dates), you need to just let it roll off your shoulders and say something like:
- “Well I have not met the lucky man/woman I want to marry yet and I’ve been just fine on my own “
- “I was not ready to get married until recently. I have been happily single and now I am ready to share my life with someone special!”
- “Are you doing a survey or something? Tell me more about you.”
- “I didn’t know this date was going to be a police interrogation or something!” Then, laugh it off.
- “I believe that getting married is a sacred commitment and has no time clock. I can honestly say I wasn’t ready but I am now.”
- “ Up until now, I have been career focused and desire to be with a man/woman that has no judgment about me not being married. So, I am still looking.”
- “I want to get married when it feels right for me, and not be pressured by societal norms.”
- “So, tell me what marriage means to you?” Shift the focus back to them by turning a question into a question. Change the subject and keep the topics light! Your dates follow your energy, so stay in your power!
You can always fend off questions with questions. It’s often the best way to deal with it. More importantly, stay calm and unaffected. You need to be fine with it because if you let them see it makes you squirm, then they will know that there is insecurity on your part and that healing needs to be done. Is there some sadness about this subject that triggers you? If you are so affected by it, then you need to ask yourself. “Is it ok that I’m still single?” When you are cool with it and people sense that they will just let it go. Trust me, I had to practice staying in my power and look at the blocks that stopped me from finding real love. Have you? We all need to take a deeper look if we get triggered.
Now, I teach my process on how I opened my heart after years of dealing with infidelity in my family lineage. Once I healed my patterns, I met the love of my life and have been in love for almost 15 years and married for 12 years! It’s an inside job and we often need a coach to help us on the path to love! I am here for you!. Be confident and trust love! It comes when you are open! If you are ready to unlock your heart and find Real love call me for a personal coaching session or take my monthly GET Ready for LOVE classes from anywhere!
If you have a love or dating question or dilemma please email me. I will do my best to help! Need a dating makeover or personal dating consulting call NOW at 310-827-1100! I can help you win in the game of Love!
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